Finally, after many months of bad timing and homework overdose's (on lyndsay's part), we hopped in my mighty Contour and headed to the magical land of fiction and literature (and a couple other genres I normally don't look at) also to be known as Barnes and Noble. Just walking into the sea of books sends an electric pulse of happiness into my brain. Every aisle holds hundreds of stories from the minds of hundreds of people's imaginations... some similar- but not one the same. So after going through all the fiction I found the Christian section and found another... and in a short time (2 hours later) I accumulated five books, four of which I did not get, apparently my eyes were bigger than my wallet.
It was at about this time that I headed to the journal section because I think journals are one of the sexiest man-made items created. So I was delving through the shelves when I heard the cashier talking quite loudly about "The Shack".. having finished it a couple months ago, my ears went into overdrive and before I knew it I was eaves dropping in the conversation as she chatted with the younger cashier next to her.
Young Girl: "I thought it sounded kinda interesting"
Older Woman: "No way, its stupid! Its some feel-good book. That's not Really life! Its fiction! people need to grow up and deal with life how it is...
By this time they had looked up the book's information on the computer and she read aloud what it was about.. and by the end the older lady was scoffing and saying how stupid it sounded.
Unfortunately, the younger girl began going along with her... i mean.. what was she supposed to say? The older lady was tearing this book to shreds, so obviously it has to be overplayed emotions of happiness.
So I kept meandering through the journals but all my enthusiasm slowly died as their conversation kept rambling about false happiness. I could have been filled with contempt at their "idiotic" opinions... but instead my heart ached for the older lady. That's Life she told the impressionable girl. What if that was all there is to her life?
It breaks my heart... because most of my life has been joyful and meaningful and when I let the Holy Spirit shine.. its better than any "feel-good book". Sure, crap happens, tonight I am feeling the weight. my ex is getting married next tuesday. How can I not feel abandoned? But the truth is... I am SO loved and so amazed at the contentedness of Christ as He wraps me in His warmth of hope... so why not tell them?
As I went to check out the younger girl rang up my book and looked relieved that it was only 15 minutes till closing. I looked up and caught her eye,
"So, the shack was a good book.. very inspiring... You know, we all need a little inspiration and happiness in our lives. You should check it out."
The girl looked at me timidly and with a side glance to her co-worker quickly nodded at me with a smile. I could see a twinkle of hope there.
I payed and left.
...But, Unfortunately, what really happened was..
I paid for my book, made some funny joke about her almost being off work..
then...
I payed and left.
How many times will I let my fears, my insecurities, get in the way of shredding a little light of hope? I wish I had said the first ending.. and as I wrote it I felt God nudging me.. "See, Em, you had it in you.. you're just about 4 hours and 3 minutes off".
Maybe next opportunity, I'll be right on time.
2 comments:
wow, I totally know how you feel. There have been so many missed opportunities when I had the chance to share about God and I didn't. I let my fears about how they would perceive me hold me back from actually doing what I should have. I keep thinking "Oh, I'll do it next time" or "If God gives me that opportunity again, I'll speak up and do Him proud" but I never do.
ps you write like an author, jut an fyi
Hey great post.. I can definitely relate.
And I completely agree with what you said about journals...I love them..they have some of the coolest ones at Barnes&Noble! :)
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