a fear that ties my hands.

These past couple of days have been a little odd for me. I've been seeing things in different perspectives.. food is not as exciting.. things are a bit more serious... paranoia follows me around. I know this is ridiculous. But I can't help it.

I have never longed for Jesus to show up in his physical form so much as now. I am normally okay with just believing everything faithfully. But fear changes all that. Tonight, as I was walking into my house (that I have lately been trying to avoid as much as possible), I instinctively just reached my hand out to my side and pretended Jesus was there to guard me from my silly fears.
I realized, then, how much safer, calmer and protected I would feel if He were there to hold my hand. I have never had a fear so deeply entwined with my soul.
I have heard of spiritual war, and it has always fascinated me. I love the fact that God is fighting for me.. and winning my heart everyday. But why is satan, now, trying to win the race? What have I done to weaken myself? I know that fear is the driving cause of him leaking into my soul.. and I hate it. How do I get rid of the darkness in the pit of my stomach?
I need to pray about this.. i haven't yet.. I've just been thinking about the episode over and over again.. until the fear rises and bubbles to the surface.. then I leave my house and I am okay again once I breathe fresh air and remember God is good.

I apologize if you are reading this and have no clue what I am talking about. I myself am unsure if I am making too big of a deal about it... it may even be a little bit ridiculous when I tell people. Some I've told have just kinda laughed. But most have been that "in-flesh-Jesus" that i've needed to lean on, because they don't take it lightly either. But anyways.. I guess I just need to learn more about this.. pray more about it. Or something?

I just don't like this fear... it is entirely evil and God exists in none of it. My friend Tia Byrd told me this verse when I told her i needed prayer about Fear..


I sought the Lord, and He answered me and delivered me from all my fears. Psalm 34:4

So.. i guess I should seek the Lord about this more.. He will deliver me :)