One...

Tomorrow I make the biggest trip of my life. Everyone asks me if I am scared. Truthfully? Not so much.
Am I excited? Way much.

I was telling my friends, Lynds and Amanda, a couple months ago that I really wish I could be excited about this trip- but I was scared that something was going to happen to prevent me from going. And I could not get pumped for the life of me. I had full faith that God would allow me to go, if it was His will.. but how was I to know what His will was? I thought I would be in Germany all summer, too, and that never happened. And after that it made it harder to be joyful for the future when it was unknown. I think that really tested my faith- but not to the limit that I was faithless. I don't think I will ever be without faith fully. Sure, there are low tides and high tides.. but He will move mountains with your smallest of trust in Him. I have seen it done countless times in my own life and others.
I am on a high right now..

My packing is 98% all done and I have said goodbyes to most everyone.. I had a great phone conversation with my brother last night for about 45 minutes. He is going through park ranger training in Mississippi right now.. so we don't get to talk much. I am not a big phone-talker, anyways. But it was great catching up and hearing him tell me how proud of me that he is.. it has been months since we last talked..

Everyone has been telling me how changed I will be with this experience.. and I can't wait to see the truth in it. My heart and soul is willing.. let the transformation continue!

I was talking about how earlier I was scared to be excited.. but the realness hit me about 3 days ago.. hit me like a brick wall. Its Really happening! And I suppose the trip will go by in a flash.. and the experience will forever be in my heart. I hope.

I hope it messes up my thinking..
screws up my pride..
checks my generosity..
actually changes how I live.

I am looking forward to this so much right now.. the butterflies in my stomach are tangled in the knots of anticipation that have rooted there already. I told mike the other day, that my emotions live from one extreme to the next.. I am either really excited and joyful, really peaceful and calm or really tired and exhausted or really down. My nervous system doesn't understand what "somewhat" means. This usually leads to a lot of dissapointment for me.. but its me, and its how God made me. Am I rambling?

I do that too.. I am okay with it..

Well I am heading out.. tomorrow will be my last blog for a couple of weeks (if anyone even reads these!) and then I will be on my way to an experience of my lifetime.

peace&love
Em