A New Kind of Forgiveness

I have never known the extent of God's peace, until it was the only thing that held me together. Relationships are hard. Actually, relationships focused on God are harder than they appear. There is a lot of depth and heartbreak that happens in getting to know someone, and it is exhausting at times. And I have definitely felt my extent of heartbreak this week as Jonathan and I dug deeper in our pasts. It was hard for me to handle it, and many tears and much more prayer filled my days. How do I forgive? Why should I forgive? Satan was attacking my heart with such questions.. and my insecurities dug the knife in deeper. But something amazing happened the next afternoon. I had been praying all morning for peace and forgiveness. And God's gentle voice just reminded me...

"Hey, remember when I took you back? Remember when you were unfaithful to me and turned your back on me? Remember how it ripped my heart out? Remember that you nailed me to the cross? And... I welcomed you home with open arms. I forgave you, daughter, and I forgive you each day."

And that, that was the awakening I needed. I realized there was nothing a human could do to me that I hadn't already done worse to my Creator. And here I was, a christian, not a Sunday-only christian.. a Christ-follower wanting to live every aspect of my life out like Jesus would. Wanting to be led by the Holy Spirit in every sense. And was I to be a hypocrite? God kept speaking to me of being like Him, so the world can see Him through me. My Lord kept reinforcing that my only contentment was in Him alone, no matter the pain we experience in the world. And He reminded me that no man or woman who follows Him, and repents... is still a sinner.

"Your sins don't bind you to the earth. Daughter, you are not your sin. And Jonathan nor any other person is their sin either. By my sons blood you were all washed clean."

After this I had a refreshed and new outlook on being a Christ-follower. In loving his son, Jonathan, and forgiving him, as he had already forgiven my own past, I could love God.

It is funny how I thought this healing process would take weeks.. possibly months. But God has worked a miracle in my heart and i can truly say I have a full forgiveness towards Jonathan that has grown us closer to one another and closer to God. And it was just a few days that God's peace transformed my heart. It is by God's amazing grace that has enabled me with forgiveness for an amazing Godly man who deserves nothing less. It is also by God's grace that he humbles me and teaches me that forgiveness is a true testament of the way we are to live and to love one another.

And as tough as this week has been, I thank God for a wonderful chance to learn from His immense wisdom and love. And I look forward to more amazing and hard times in my relationship with Jonathan, and just seeing the Spirit-filled man God created him to be, grow in his love for Christ.