A Hard Lesson in Obedience

I am always blown away at what Humility can do to your relationship with God. When I literally get face down and ask my Creator for guidance and peace, He is more than willing to pour love out on me. It isn't that He grants my wishes, that is where people lose their faith. But when I humble myself it is then I become more aware of how He is already working on the other side of my clouded eyes. I can stop living for myself and understand the people around me are more important. As I prayed and cried for my path to be revealed just an inch so I knew I was heading in the right direction I felt a calm spread over me. The next hour, my dad came in the room and asked if I would be home next week to go with my mom somewhere because he wouldn't be there.
My dad is going to be gone a lot (out of the state) this summer, and he is worried about mom. She is getting surgery in August on her back, and in the meantime she is in a lot of pain. I have already had to help dad take care of her when she got sick for a week.
And instead of looking up at dad and automatically saying "no" like I used to. My first thoughts went back to my prayer and of Jesus.
"Yeah, I should be here" I said to him.
Honestly, I think he expected an argument.
I talked to Jonathan about how I feel like God has me at home for the summer for a reason, and it took me a lot to say that. It takes me a lot to write it. And it took me a lot speak it to my mom at lunch today. She is bad at showing her feelings, kind of like me. Instead of getting mushy we tend to change the subject by commenting on the dogs or something unimportant. But i heard a sense of relief in her breath when I told her I wouldn't mind living here until this fall, and that it seemed like the right thing at the moment. She confirmed that she would need help... and then the conversation switched over to the puppies.
It sucks seeing your friends go on mission trips or get their own places. Its hard to commute an hour and a half to church and small group, and depend on people in Springfield to give you a place to lay your head. It sucks not to be the person who is making a difference. Who doesn't want to rescue girls from the sex trade or counsel homeless kids on the street? I do. I do so badly.
But maybe its not my time yet. I do not know what God holds for me tomorrow, I am trying not to peek. I know what He has brought to me today and the days of my past. And though this transition is hard, this is where He wants me to live missionlly in my now. Even though my dreams and hopes take me any where but Barry... my Jesus tells me He has work for me here. He has hearts to mend under this roof, and walls to be torn down, and truth to be shared. To me it doesn't seem that exciting or courageous. But honestly, it scares me more sharing my faith and love openly with my parents than with strangers. And I think its kind of beautiful that God wants my missionary heart to start with the ones closest to me, the ones I have hurt and have hurt me in unintentional ways... and bring the light back home.