Speaking to my Past

I don't remember a time when I didn't have a pencil in my hand. It seems I have always been drawn to creative writing, and it is an outlet that has served me well through the years.
As I cleaned out my room at home last night trashing and giving away most of the stuff I found, I came across an old notebook filled with my writings when I was younger. I also went through the journals I have kept (dating back to early grade school when all I could talk about were boys...oh geesh). It is amazing how a person can grow, and I am so grateful that I have kept a record of what I was like through those years. Even though I read most of the silly entries and laugh or roll my eyes, it is a part of who I was and how God was working on me even then. My earliest recorded poem was from 2001 and it is kind of cute. But my favorite part is that I talk about my faith in it. Though it was an immature faith, I still believed in the power of God's comfort and forgiveness. In that sense I could possibly hold a conversation with my old self and relate to her in some way. It would have been nice to even give her advice and warn her about guarding her heart- as no one did. As my journals advanced into later years I found myself reading the entries from 2008, right before I transferred to UIS. In it I talked about how I was praying for a home church and praying that I wouldn't wear my heart on my sleeve, and wait for love this time. I was tired of making stupid mistakes and letting my emotions run my life and lead me to sin. Even then, I needed a community that would hold me accountable and lead me towards Jesus.
And now, two years later and a graduate from UIS, I look back and see just how God answered that prayer and then more. My friends and campus ministry were the tools that God used to change my life. In the process I learned to guard my heart and devote my love to my God and people in need. What a growing time in my life. I wish my young self would have known how great my life would be in 2010, and known not to worry about a thing. If I could have just told her that God will take care of all, and one day a man who loves Jesus will love you too. Don't worry about these silly boys in the meantime.
I know in another 2 years I will look back at my journal of today and smile at how I worried about nothing. Future Emily will be even more in love with God then, and her wise eye will scan today's entry and wish she could come back here and say, "past Emily, just hold on.. God has something awesome planned for you.. I can't wait till you see it!"

Until then, present Emily will patiently await the future day by day, learning from the now, the yesterday and the past that seemed so long ago.