Saturday, May 16, 2009
imperfect.
Christianity is tough. The waiting is unbearable sometimes. One moment I am totally content with my life and the next I wonder why I am the way I am. Why do I lie to people when they ask if I am excited for Kenya? what is wrong with me? Why is it the hardest to speak truth and break down the barriers that I've built up for 21 years? Sometimes I feel fake. Sometimes I think my humor is a curse.. it hides me behind a wall of laughter, if I am not careful. I didn't write this for pity. I don't want to hear how God will take care of me... I know that He does and will. I just wanted to merely say that I get scared too, I am not always so strong. I often wonder if I am doing things for myself or for God. I can not tell the difference sometimes.
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1 comment:
yo. i'm glad you are who you are. you're definitely right in saying that you're not always strong. i don't think any of us are. I know i get annoyed with myself sometimes b/c I know how much He provides yet I still doubt at times. In all honesty, I'm glad you are struggling through some stuff right now, it'll only strengthen your faith even more. Sometimes we may do things initially with a different intention, but we are His hands and feet and maybe after going to Kenya he'll open your eyes to something more...beyond just "going to Kenya." There's no wrong path, eventually, he'll pull you back since you're keeping your heart and hands open to him--besides...this isn't any "bandwagon" to be ashamed to jump up on...:)
lubs you.
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