Its ironic that the very art work I am making is about not being held to this earth by worldly things and being free to fly wherever God wants me to land. Yet, I hope with all my heart that I land in a little state called Alaska this summer. God tells me to Hope for what I do not have (I will find that vs!) and so I keep hoping that what I want is what God wants for me. I hate selfish prayers.. I try never to ask God to make something happen.. because its ridiculous.. He is God.. His will must be done.. so who am I to stand in the way with my aspirations? But why do we pray? Why are the psalms filled with prayers for God to bring the people to something better? Why can I not stop feeling guilty for praying for what my heart craves? I know it is because I am scared that what I want is for my own selfishness. I want to leave and to fly away from Illinois. "birds have nests, and foxes have holes.. but man has no place to rest his head"... I feel restless.. like if I spent another summer here It would suck all the excitement from my life. I don't want to go back to a place where I have rested my head all my life. But, living adventurously is not everyone's calling. I mean, Mary and Joseph did not ask for a life of adventure.. they were young, normal, faithful servants... and God blessed them with the most amazing son that saves.
This world will never be home to me... and I want to consider how the ravens live.. with nothing more than their daily food.. and still trusting God.. living it one day at a time. Not demanding an answer about where they will live tomorrow. Not demanding an adventure. Yet, praying fervently for patience, peace and confidence in a faithful God. A God who has revealed to me many amazing blessings in my life, and I only have to review my last 22 years to realize how far I have come through Him. And only have hope for the future... not an anxious hope, but a hope that is full of knowledge that God will be in whatever experiences I encounter.
Whether they be exciting or heartbreaking....
1 comment:
Em, I'm very glad that your desire to go to Alaska is real. I think that our prayer of having you in Alaska this summer is not selfish. We both know that the work that'd you'd be doing up there would be amazing and god can do incredible things through you. And I believe that prayers for this are very legit. The Lord allows us to have desires and wants us to share those desires with Him and talk with Him about what they are and listen to His guidance on what His will is. But if we just sit there never asking the Lord for good things then what are we doing? Jesus prayed for things to happen. Even abram and lot prayed for Sodom and Gomorrah (I think that's the bible story) where they kept asking the Lord to spare the city if only so many righteous people could be found.
Em, Im very blessed to be dating a godly woman who desires to follow Jesus in everyway possible, even if it means not having a place to rest her head. And it's ok to want explore and go new places I think that God's blessed you with that desire. Not many people would be willing to go to Africa and work with children there or do more than take a week long vacation in Alaska and actually want to know the culture and some of the people. You are an amazing woman of God. Thank you for sharing these encouraging words and what's been in your heart lately.
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