Catching your Foot on a Hurdle

Somewhere between the furry sitting jobs and a car that has become the only form of material stability and possibly the only home I've had for the past few months, I realize that I am ready to have my own place.

I am exhausted.

I actually don't even mind living out of a bag (when I am at my parents home I still live out of my bag because I only stay there for a few short days then I am off to the next temporary residency). Its just the tiredness you begin to feel deep in your heart, that can only be answered by a bed and a room of your own. A kitchen where you can serve others, and not be the guest, for once.

As I write this, Beau, a basset-hound with the cutest slobbery face and stubby legs is a reminder of God's provision. I have found that this summer has been the hardest transition I have ever experienced. It is unstable... shaking the walls of the known down and leaving me with an immense expanse of uncharted territory. A land that is full of promise and excitement, but is blocked by fear and uncertainty... But God is providing for me now. In little things like dog-sitting and giving me places to stay in springfield closer to my church and friends- and getting paid for it. And giving me ways to express my creativity in paintings that people actually find interesting enough to buy. And then, the most exciting part... is the answered prayer about starting my own business in photography. Obviously, I already have a "business", but the next step to make it legit, is scary and so grown-up. But also something I have wanted off and on for 4 years. Even after I wanted to throw it all away. I was sick of art and listening to people and dealing with people.. and then God tells me... "Glorify me with what YOU know.."

And that, my friends, was the biggest hurdle I wanted to cleanly jump over. I wanted to avoid silly little jobs of the world and do something people would see as meaningful. But the hurdle caught my foot and smashed my face back down into the earth- back to reality. I was searching and praying for ways to glorify God my own way, that I was blinded to the fact that it isn't about what I do... but how it is done...Even photography, a very shallow thing at times, can be a vessel of love and a chance to talk to people about Jesus.

I don't know anything about a business... or money management... or taxes... or really anything. This is probably the scariest decision I have ever made, and a huge leap of faith into possible failure. But art is what I know. This is what I can excel at when I engage it with my soul. This is one of my giftings that I can share with others.

As Beau begins to snore beside me on the couch, I thank God for the ways He is showing me He will always take care of me. Sometimes His ways are so subtle.. that it takes you a few months to look back and say, "Wow.. God was there, and there.. and there.. and there.." Even when I have been at my lowest in awhile, He is there to uplift me. It just took me a few months of living as a vagabond to hear His soft whisper. A whisper so powerful that if you allow it, may catch you off guard, and bring you back home.