Considering the Ravens

so things have been pretty good this semester so far... I really can't complain. My classes are pretty sweet I must say... though I feel totally out of my league in Painting II... we are doing abstract painting now and it took me 3 hours just to start to get the hang of it... of course I was super nervous-- and still am. But hopefully it will be alright.
My film photography class is going well so far.. My friend Rae and I were in the darkroom until like 7:30 trying to get everything done, I just hope it doesn't take me that long every time! I do like the feeling I get when I create everything start to finish though. I can see it develop from the image in my mind.. to the image in my viewfinder.. to the image on the film.. and then finally on the print.. Its a very awesome process.. and it reminds me of how God must have felt.. times 1,000,000,001.. when he creates every one of us from an idea to the finished print. Unfortunately in the process of growing sometimes we get exposed to too much developer or too little fixer. Thankfully Jesus lets us throw away our old and ruined photographs for pure and clean ones.. a new start. Through this class it is kind of inspiring me to get back into photography... though I am really getting burned out of doing weddings. I find I get burned out of things quite easily. I have been like that as far as I have known. I really wish I wasn't like that, because it makes it awful difficult to pin point a career choice for myself. Right now I would really love to work in a church or christian organization and help organize and kind of head-up the art department. Its strange because I really don't like to tell people what to do and I have hardly any confidence... but when it comes to being creative I feel the urge to take charge. And in using my art in this way, it would be serving God, ya know? But I am not asking Him to make this happen.. He knows my heart is willing so I am just leaving my future open for now. I found out if I open my book and leave it blank the Lord begins to write my story. So.. I am just sitting here waiting for the next chapter.
One thing I am disappointed with this semester is that I don't have any sort of writing or english class. I wrote and read all the time last semester because I had two English classes.. but now the only thing I write is in these blogs and in my personal journal. Which isn't a bad thing, I just love the excitement of writing and finishing a short story. And by the way... I have tried to write about three novels.. and have never finished one.. so I stick with short stories..(I told you I get burned out easily!) If it is over 15 pages then I quit. Pathetic, I know... but I just want to get to the point! ... like right now.. I am starting to drift... who knows where my mind goes.. it wanders off to the random parts of my brain that fires off "things to do" "memories" "worries" "blessings".. and I am stuck in my own mind...

oh.. and by the way.. the big valentines day is coming up.. and for the first time I am okay with being single on the 14th. I have even congratulated myself for being happy when I hear other couple's plans or see them together. Obviously the Lord has definitely changed my heart drastically in less than a year.. and it really is profound. I can honestly say that I will not be lonely on the biggest "love-fest" in America (btw.. ngozi informs me that in africa valentines day is not such a big deal.. so that is why I had to limit this to america only..) All I have is time and patience!

So I heard this song at a women's retreat thing I went to last weekend.. and the lyrics really hit home to me. And the way the girl sings it is so innocently beautiful..




heres the lyrics..

scenes of you come rushing through.. you are breaking me down..
so break me into pieces.. that will grow in the ground..
i know that i deserve to die.. for the murder in my heart..
so be gentle with me Jesus.. as you tear me apart..

please kill the liar.. kill the thief in me..
you know that i am tired of their cruelty
breathe into my spirit.. breathe into my veins.. until only love remains..

you burn away the ropes that bind and hold me to the earth
the fire only leaves behind whatever is it worth
i begin to see reality for the first time in my life
i know that i'm a shadow..
but i'm dancing in your light

teach me to be humble.. call me from the grave..
show me how to walk with you upon the waves..
breathe into my spirit.. breathe into my veins..
until only love remains..

--------------- so that song has been playing for a while on my youtube..

and thats about all I got now.. I am off to refill my glass.. because since I have this cold or sinus infection I have been drinking water non-stop! Which is probably healthy.. but slightly annoying... so everyone enjoy your weekend and make sure to step outside when the warm weather arrives saturday..